i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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