A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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