The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
