Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
