she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
