oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
