We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
