so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
