Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need water and some morals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
