Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
