What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
