My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
