dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
