you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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