so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
