Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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