There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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