I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
