She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
