3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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