You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
