I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
a search helicopter?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
