Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
