my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
