I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
