In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
