Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
