i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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