Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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