this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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