I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
