fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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