I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
where are my eyebrows?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
