I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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