I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
