Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
