I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
