why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
