Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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