i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
