Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
