I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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