next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
