umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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