Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
