I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
