8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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