dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
