hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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