Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In America we eat man semen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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