Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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