Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
3pm strippers are depressing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Congratulations! We have a period
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